On Being Single … And of Break-ups and Energy

So it happened. You never saw it coming. It blindsided you. You feel betrayed. You feel hurt. You don’t understand. You’re trying to understand. More likely than not, you’ve been talking to your friends who are pulling you in different directions…let her/him go; talk to him/her; forget about him/her; fight for him/her…drama, drama, drama.

While we seek solace in other people, one has to wonder if they really know what’s best for you. Each one of us comes with our own past. A past usually replete with our own heart breaks and heart aches, which influence the advice we give. We know, deep inside, that the answer is within us (I’ll get to a proposed answer later on), but nevertheless we seek the “advice”, or perhaps the solace, of others. We seem to, not so much wallow in our misery, as much as enjoy – in a narcissistic kind of way – the drama that surrounds the dissolution of relationships. Why?

Well, we know that everything in the universe is energy. We, and everything around us, are merely energy transformed into matter. Food, or better said “healthy food” (i.e., anything not bearing a label), is energy to sustain our life. Love is energy to sustain our soul. Drama is the sister of fear, which is the second most powerful energy source in the universe. In fact, many have theorized that we are only capable of two emotions (the ying and the yang). Namely, Love and Fear. Anything that is not love, is based on fear. Greed is the fear of not having enough. Hate is the fear that you are different and therefore will hurt me. Drama is, in part, the fear that we are unworthy of being loved and will be alone. This is a most potent fear if, as most humans, we have failed to receive the love we thought was ours by divine right when we were children. It is also a deep-rooted fear based upon our evolution.

For most of our evolution, we needed the protection of the “tribe” to survive. To be rejected by the tribe, and hence to be alone, meant certain death. Even today, very few people other than members of certain religion sects, feel comfortable being alone. We seek the company of others, sometimes even of those we don’t know, to feel part of a tribe. The fear of not “belonging” resurfaces when we end a relationship and are forced to be alone. This is also a time when we can be forced (or take the opportunity) to reflect upon our past, without judgment, in an effort to better understand our behaviors. When we take this time, and are honest with ourselves, we can often make peace with those past events and blaze a brighter and more peaceful “now” moment, as well as future. That takes courage. it also means shutting down your so-called support group. Almost the equivalent of the 40-day “retreat” in the desert by Jesus. It is in isolation of the drama that surrounds us, and into which we willingly plunge, that we discover who we really are. We discover the core of our being. We discover our soul and can blaze a new journey based on gratitude, joy for what is, and love. To remain mired in human drama means to remain mired in the pain. Few of us would wish that on any other person. The wonderful thing about all this, is that it is your choice. As Yoda would say: “Wisely choose my young apprentice!”

With infinite love and light, may you find the ocean of gratitude and never reach the shore. Jean-Pierre

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Welcome!

Having been in a number of long-term relationships, being of a certain age and having had the pleasure to be friends with a number of very intelligent women, I have gained some knowledge about the differences between the way men and women communicate. Because they were not understood, these differences led to a very difficult recent uncoupling of a deep and meaningful relationship. However, the courage of my ex-partner to push me out for my highest good, has also opened my heart and soul to the wonders of the beings we are, whether individually or jointly. I would like to share my journeys with you and, hopefully, help you in yours. Come, sit comfortably, and let me tell you my tales in the hopes you can learn to avoid the shoals that we imagine present in our love life. Let us love and be loved.

Through this blog, my intentions are to detail some of my stories from my point of view and that of different women, as well as provide some pointers on how to either create your ideal relationship or “repair” your existing relationship. In the end, I hope that you may avoid heart breaks which are mostly caused by our egos. These are wrapped in our past experiences which have engendered deep memories that resonate in the present and cause us to think about and create a future that is intended to repeat the past. After all, we all fear the unknown and so we return, instinctively, to the familiar even if it causes us great pains and anguish.

Instead, wouldn’t it be wiser to focus on the present, and enjoy the gifts that have been given to us? Getting ahead of myself, I would also note that to be in a deeply enriching and fulfilling relationship, one has to be willing to provide unconditional love and accept your partner for whom they are. We do not have the power to change another. We can only work at changing ourselves. That means, we must conquer our fears. If you are a man, you must conquer your fears of being vulnerable (hint: there is nothing wrong with crying). If you are a woman, you must conquer other fears that we will explore at a later time. In all cases, we must shed our past which is no longer relevant to the present. We must break down the walls that we have built up in the belief that they will protect us when, in fact, they prevent us from enjoying the moment and creating a future full of joy and abundance.

This is hard to do. Believe me, I know. I am still working at it and, as I said earlier, not having cleared these hurdles was part of the reason that caused my most important relationship to date to end. So I am single again and learning to love myself and the world around me (Another lesson, that we will explore later.).

Join me as we explore the world of singledom and relationships. The reasons why men and women have genetically evolved to mis-communicate. Women, if you have ever wondered how a man’s brain operates in a relationship, or wondered what he was thinking, or the meaning of his words … then this blog is for you. Men, if you ever wondered how to communicate with your partner, or wanted to know the hidden meaning of her words or silences, or even wondered how to keep the romance alive … then this blog is for you.

Allow me to end this initial blog by quoting from Abraham-Hicks (for the record, I receive no financial remuneration from this or any other organization. I refer to Abraham-Hicks because s/he, along with other spiritual guides, have helped me in this journey. May they help you as much if you chose to listen.) about what a relationship should be:

The relationship that I want [with myself or another] is one of ease. It’s easy to feel good. It’s easy to feel as one. It’s easy to like what I see. It’s easy to move through my day. It’s easy to do the work that I want to do. It’s easy to be two separate people with two separate intentions through many things. It’s easy to be in the relationship. It’s easy. It feels comfortable and secure. It feels honest and deep. It feels real and true. It feels Source and Core. It feels soft and gentle. It feels love and being loved. It feels knowing. It feels like home. It feels fun and delicious. It feels passionate. It’s easy!”

May all of our relationships, particularly those we have with ourselves, be easy!

See you soon, Jean-Pierre

PS To be clear, this blog is written by a man. While it is meant to address both men and women, it provides the point of view of a man.