On Being Single … And of Break-ups and Energy

So it happened. You never saw it coming. It blindsided you. You feel betrayed. You feel hurt. You don’t understand. You’re trying to understand. More likely than not, you’ve been talking to your friends who are pulling you in different directions…let her/him go; talk to him/her; forget about him/her; fight for him/her…drama, drama, drama.

While we seek solace in other people, one has to wonder if they really know what’s best for you. Each one of us comes with our own past. A past usually replete with our own heart breaks and heart aches, which influence the advice we give. We know, deep inside, that the answer is within us (I’ll get to a proposed answer later on), but nevertheless we seek the “advice”, or perhaps the solace, of others. We seem to, not so much wallow in our misery, as much as enjoy – in a narcissistic kind of way – the drama that surrounds the dissolution of relationships. Why?

Well, we know that everything in the universe is energy. We, and everything around us, are merely energy transformed into matter. Food, or better said “healthy food” (i.e., anything not bearing a label), is energy to sustain our life. Love is energy to sustain our soul. Drama is the sister of fear, which is the second most powerful energy source in the universe. In fact, many have theorized that we are only capable of two emotions (the ying and the yang). Namely, Love and Fear. Anything that is not love, is based on fear. Greed is the fear of not having enough. Hate is the fear that you are different and therefore will hurt me. Drama is, in part, the fear that we are unworthy of being loved and will be alone. This is a most potent fear if, as most humans, we have failed to receive the love we thought was ours by divine right when we were children. It is also a deep-rooted fear based upon our evolution.

For most of our evolution, we needed the protection of the “tribe” to survive. To be rejected by the tribe, and hence to be alone, meant certain death. Even today, very few people other than members of certain religion sects, feel comfortable being alone. We seek the company of others, sometimes even of those we don’t know, to feel part of a tribe. The fear of not “belonging” resurfaces when we end a relationship and are forced to be alone. This is also a time when we can be forced (or take the opportunity) to reflect upon our past, without judgment, in an effort to better understand our behaviors. When we take this time, and are honest with ourselves, we can often make peace with those past events and blaze a brighter and more peaceful “now” moment, as well as future. That takes courage. it also means shutting down your so-called support group. Almost the equivalent of the 40-day “retreat” in the desert by Jesus. It is in isolation of the drama that surrounds us, and into which we willingly plunge, that we discover who we really are. We discover the core of our being. We discover our soul and can blaze a new journey based on gratitude, joy for what is, and love. To remain mired in human drama means to remain mired in the pain. Few of us would wish that on any other person. The wonderful thing about all this, is that it is your choice. As Yoda would say: “Wisely choose my young apprentice!”

With infinite love and light, may you find the ocean of gratitude and never reach the shore. Jean-Pierre

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