What we focus on is what we perceive. But what we focus on is a choice we make each moment of every day. We may choose to focus on the negative or the positive of a person, a relationship, or an event, and more importantly, ourself. Could it be that that’s what “God” refers to when s/he talks about “free will”?
In my practice as a guide, I have noticed that, as a couple experiences problems, usually both partners choose to focus on what they don’t like about each other and the relationship. Of course, each forgets to remember that they are reflecting each other’s “flaws” and fears. More importantly, each forgets to remember that their focus is their choice and that each, or both, could choose to focus on what they liked about each other. Each, or both, could choose to focus on what thrilled them about the potential of the relationship at its very onset.
Unfortunately, choose to focus on what is “wrong” with your partner and the partnership is a vicious cycle. As you provide your focus energy, it grows on itself. Soon it acquires so much energy that it is unstoppable. So, why do we do it? Well, most of us never learned that relationships are simply an opportunity to learn about ourselves. We never learned that our partner simply reflects to us our own sense of self-worth. When we do learn or realize these facts, we tend to want to push them aside thinking that our partner does not at all reflect our own fears because these are difficult to acknowledge. So we continue to focus on the “negative” aspects of our partner. But even in partnerships that are not “meant to be”, there are aspects of the relationship and of the partner that are reflective of yourself and from which you could grow if you would just calmly reflect upon it.
Would relationships end if both partners focused on what they liked about each other and enjoyed about the relationship? Would relationships end if both partners choose to remember to communicate in each other’s love language? That’s a question that I guide my clients to answer.
What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.
As always, in love, Jean-Pierre
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