We all know that nothing good ever began with the words: “We need to talk!” So many movies, TV shows and books have discussed the meaning of those four little words that it has become common knowledge that they spell “trouble”. Most commonly, these words are uttered by someone who is unhappy in a relationship. In a future post, we will be discussing whether anyone can make you happy or unhappy. For now, let’s explore these four little words.
As an aside, isn’t it interesting that it seems our “happiness” could be centered around phrases that are different by only one or two words? That is: “I love you” (3 words = happy); “We need to talk” (4 words = oh, oh); “Break up” (2 words = sad). Perhaps I’m the only one who found this fascinating.
Merriam-Webster defines “break up” as:
- to cease to exist as a unified whole.
- to end a romance
The word “break” is defined as:
- to separate (something) into parts or pieces often in a sudden and forceful or violent way
- to open suddenly especially because of pressure from inside
Finally, the word “broken” is defined as:
- violently separated into parts
- damaged or altered by breaking
- having undergone or been subjected to fracture
- violated by transgression <a broken promise>
- disrupted by change
- made weak or infirm
- subdued completely : crushed, sorrowful <a brokenheart> <a broken spirit>
- cut off : disconnected
- disunited by divorce, separation, or desertion of one parent<children from broken homes> <a broken family>
Wow! Aren’t these definitions amazingly interesting? Let’s do our best to dissect each and understand how it affects our moods. Let’s keep in mind that “moods” are simply “emotions”, and that emotions are simply energy in motion (see how cleverly I complete the circle back to energy? See: On Being Single… And of Break-ups and Energy).
Okay, let’s start with “break up” and let’s dissect “to cease to exist as a unified whole.” Are two people ever a “unified whole”? Is it even possible? We may believe, and even wish it to be so, and this theme is certainly drummed into our brains by the media. And if it is possible, should it be? Should you “give” yourself to another to such an extent that you become “unified”? No wonder a “break up” hurts so very much. It is like separating Siamese twins! Would it not be better to be two people following the same path, having the same desires, wanting the same results, sharing the same ways to have fun, crying and laughing together, but being equally whole by oneself?
The word “break” evokes the same type of questions. The dictionary definition even refers directly to violence (i.e., “a sudden and forceful or violent way“). Should there ever be anything at all violent in a relationship? Even a “break-up.” It is also interesting to me to note that the “break” occurs “because of pressure from inside.” Pressure from inside. Does that mean that your soul and/or your heart wanted something else? And, if so, what is that other thing or someone (the subject of my next post titled: “On Being Single … And of Green Grasses and Fences)?
Finally, the word “broken” again refers to violence. It even refers to making one “weak or infirm” and “subdued.” Wow!!!
Would it not be better to use a different terminology? Let’s stop saying “break up” and all its negative connotations and emotions. Perhaps we can use the term “conscious uncoupling”?Perhaps we can start saying that the end of a relationship is simply the completion of a cycle of love? And as hard is it can be, no doubt, the beginning of a new cycle. Perhaps we can complete this cycle by sending our former partners love and light? Perhaps we can start knowing that such a completion provides for the beginning of a new cycle?
Of course, I welcome all comments and discussion on this issue. What is your take on the words “break up”? How do you change your mood (i.e., energy)? How long does it take you to get over it? Do you again depend on someone or something else to make you “happy” (we’ll be dissecting that word later)? Do you take the time to learn the lessons your ex-partner was trying his/her best to teach you by letting you go?
As always, in love and light I remain your student, Jean-Pierre