On Being One … And Of The Power Of Surrendering

The Power of Surrendering? You might think this an oxymoron. After all, it seems that the words power and surrender are polar opposites. The word surrender is very powerful and evokes images of defeat, particularly for men. One who surrenders is thought have lost in some form of combat (intellectual or physical), to have no power. It seems that the word surrender is more in line with the word defeat. In fact, the dictionary defines surrender as:

  • to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
  • to give the control or use of (something) to someone else
  • to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to influence or control you

However, there is a difference between surrendering and giving up. In fact, there is an immense difference between the positive power of surrendering and the negative power of giving up. Hence, another definition of the word surrender is:

  • to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

My favorite definition of surrender is found in TinyBuddha:

“Surrender is complete acceptance of what is, knowing it will all be okay, even without my input.”

Notice that this definition includes the fact that everything will work out without your input! Hence, to surrender does not require you to give up on something that is important to you. Rather, it is a matter of letting go of a false perception, or an inaccurate idea of separation from that which you desire, where, in fact, that separation is illusory and self-created. It is also accepting guidance from a higher power.

Most of us feel we must conquer by ourselves. Men, in particular, find it difficult, if not impossible, to ask for help. The reasons are varied and mostly rooted in our genetic evolution where to ask for help was to show weakness and hence lower our chance to be picked by a female. Hence, the idea of surrendering is a powerful concept (no pun intended). But, from a spiritual perspective, we are never alone. The Source that allowed for our existence is always present within and with us. Our Souls are always present within and with us . And a myriad of people we know are ready to help us if we would just ask. In doing so, we also allow them to express themselves.

The idea of surrendering has, in fact, been proven to lead to success. Example? Well, let’s take Alcoholic Anonymous, or any growth prospect for that matter. The first step in AA’s 12-step process requires a person to admit that s/he is powerless. We could also mention just about any religion since they all require us to surrender to a higher power be it Allah, God, Hare Krishna, Yahweh, or some other name or designation.

Can we, therefore, all agree that to surrender is NOT the same as giving upbe defeatedbe a failure, etc.? It is also NOT a sign of weakness, lack of intelligence, strength, cunning, etc. In fact, to surrender, we  don’t even have to admit that we did something wrong. But to surrender, we do have to admit to ourselves that we need a new way of thinking, of perceiving our obstacle(s), and accept guidance.

Einstein said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Well, it is our way of thinking that got us stuck, no? Hence, at least according to Einstein, to get unstuck requires a new level of thinking. But we cannot get to a new level of thinking if we do not surrender our belief systems since all of our thoughts are based on those. This requires us to really understand our limiting beliefs and habits, which is not an easy task. When we do so, we discover that it comes down to a belief that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not young enough, not old enough, not tall enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, etc., etc., etc. That is, not enough self-worth.

We don’t have to admit that we are surrendering to anyone else. In fact, it’s probably best if we don’t tell anyone that we’ve surrendered as, then, we’ll have to explain why we’ve surrendered, what we’re surrendering to, and the difference between surrendering and giving up. Best to keep it to ourselves.

You may, or not, believe in the power of prayer, incantation, imprecation, plea, worship, etc. But there is power in words. Those who know me know that I am not religious. However, I believe in the power of words and in the power of what is referred to as the prayer of serenity which goes: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” If you can truly accept these words, you are likely to see some quick and extraordinary changes. At the very least, you will experience peace even in the midst of strife and chaos.

The power of surrender is also the invocation of the higher power to guide us. There is a catch, of course. Your surrender must be genuine. And just as we must genuinely surrender, we must also be open to such guidance. They go hand-in-hand, as go our resistance to both, particularly in the Western world where we are taught not to believe what we cannot see, feel, hear or smell.

To surrender can be quite scary for most of us. It means to believe that everything will be alright. That whatever happens, happens for our greater good. It means giving up trying to control the people and events around us. It means accepting uncertainty and going with the flow. When we surrender to the truest depths of our most authentic Self, we release the grasp of our ego upon our choices and allow what we desire to manifest.

And let’s not confuse surrender with lack of action. To surrender is an inner experience, agreement, or acquiescence. It does NOT mean that we cannot, or should not, take action and change the situation. As I’ve said before, there is a difference between surrender and giving up. I am NOT saying that we need to accept an undesirable or unpleasant life situation. Nor do we need to deceive ourselves and say that there is nothing wrong with whatever situation we are presently confronting. Not at all. Surrendering means that we are still looking for a way out of our predicament.

So how do we surrender without giving up? Simple and yet very hard… do not judge the situation or yourself. Accept what is as an experience. When you let go of judgment you let go resistance and negative emotions. You accept the moment and then you take action. In this case, positive action which is more powerful than negative action arising out of anger, fear, despair or frustration. When you stop trying to force things to go your way (i.e., fitting a square peg into a round hole). you go with the flow and things progress naturally.

Remember that your power (usually defined by our possessions, our bank account, our jobs, our influence over other people in our lives, etc.) is illusory and can disappear almost instantly. In fact, it will when you die as you will leave the same way you came in… with nothing.

May you experience the power of surrendering, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And Of The Power Of True Beauty

Every once in a while we come across a piece of literature or music that touches our very humanity, our very soul; that makes us stop and ponder; that makes us question the validity of our “truths”. I’ve written previously about the power of self-love, self-esteem and self-worth (they’re all the same). For a very long time, I’ve been saying that beauty is in the soul. I’ve also been saying that advertisers know how to make us feel unworthy so they can sell products. Today, I came across this video which touches on this very subject. I think you will find interesting and I hope that it will have a profound effect on you.

For all women, be yourself. Let your true beauty emerge. Glow from the inside and the world will smile at you. For all men, remember that eventually the lights must go on. Eventually we all earn our wrinkles and white hair (and, for some of us, lack of hair). Think twice or even thrice about what makes a woman truly beautiful.

Colbie Caillat – Try

As always in love, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And Our Everyday Failings

Today, I’d like to share what I hope will make you laugh. It’s a story of (mis)communication between my mother and I!

Even those of us who know that men and women are genetically programmed to (mis)communicate, can and do (mis)communicate. The difference may be that we recognize our (mis)communication, remember our genetic programming, and can quickly (hopefully) correct it.

So, let me give you a bit of background first so you can understand this story. For most of my life, my parents and I had little communication, and most of the little communication we had was misunderstood (i.e., we (mis)communicated). My parents live in Spain, where my father is a small-acreage farmer. I moved out when I was 20 after graduating from university. Since then, I’ve lived in many continents, countries and cities. No matter where I was, I usually called “home” every Sunday. The conversations were short. “Hi. How are you?”. “The weather is fine.” “Talk to you next week.” Those were the most common sentences uttered on our Sunday morning less than 2-minute “conversations”. Even when I went “home” for a bi-annual visit, conversation was restricted to a few sentences a day. Those who know me may be surprised by this since they know how much I like to speak (though I’ve learned to use my ears and mouth in their respective proportions). After all, my love of the spoken word is one reason I became a litigator.

It is only very recently that my mom (yes, she is now mom, not mother) and I have begun true dialogues. We’ve begun to share our lives, our pasts, our fears, our joys, and our dreams. It is a wonderful gift that I have received and been given as my parents begin their journey to the other world. I now look forward to speaking to my mom and call her 2-3 times a week, even if only to say “hi!”.

A little more background. My mom is a product of the Spanish Civil War and World War II. While she was born in a family of means, through a set of circumstances related to those two events, she grew up very poor and sometimes hungry. She never received the opportunity to go to school and has taught herself to read and write. Like many people of her generation, while she is not a Ludite, she is not technology-savvy. She often confuses fax and email, and has never used, never mind owned, a computer (my offers to buy one and teach my parents how to use it have been constantly rebuffed). She doesn’t quite understand Skype and only recently purchased a cell phone.

So, with this background in mind, on this particular day I called my mom just to say “hi” and chat about nothing in particular. Our conversation digressed to the subject of a cousin, Reme, and her significant issue with food and subsequent health problems due to her obesity. You should know that, for as long as I can remember, everyone referred to Reme as the Fatty (“la Gordita”). In fact, a few months ago, while on the phone with me, my mom refer to her as the Fatty. I gently, or as gently as I could, asked my mom to stop calling her that. I reminded my mom that she had a name and that calling her the Fatty was not doing Reme’s self-esteem any good. In fact, I noted, it was probably one of many reasons why she was obese. Much to my delight, it appears that, not only is my mom now calling her Reme, but my mom was able to get the rest of the family to call her Reme!

A few days later, my mom and I had a discussion about spirituality. The issue of Reme’s weight and ancillary health issues came up. My mom mentioned that she, and Reme’s family, had been nagging Reme about her weight. They had been telling her that she needed more will power to eat less and better. Reme’s reaction to this nagging was telling about her state of mind. She reportedly said: “But I love food so much!” To me, it confirmed (if I needed any confirmation) that her issue was one of a deep lack of self-esteem, self-worth and self-love (they’re all the same). As the “ugly duckling” of the family (her sister, Marina, is attractive and more vivacious and, thus, received more attention as they grew up). She considers her life to have been one miserable failure after another. She feels deeply that she never received the love she deserved, whether from her husband in her loveless marriage, from her mother, or from her friends. Her refuge is food, mostly large quantities of sugar and bread. From an Earthly perspective, this also provides her with a physical barrier with the outside world. I mentioned all of this to my mother and she suggested that I speak to Reme, which I agreed to do.

So, now for the (mis)communication (finally, right?). During our call, my mother said that she was going to give me Reme’s email address. She would spell it out for me. We started with the first letter, which I understood to be an “r”. In order to confirm what I had heard, I said: “r as in Rome?”
Mom: “No, not like Rome! It’s an r.”
Me: “Mom, I’m hearing an r as in Rome.”
Mom: “No, not like Rome! it’s an r.”
Me (with a giggle): “Mom, seriously you’re saying r as in Rome.”
Mom: “No, not like Rome. OK, you know my last name is Guerrero, right?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Mom: “OK, so you take one r out of the two rs and what’s left over is the first letter of Reme’s email.”
Me (now laughing): “Mom, that’s an r like in Rome. OK, I know, not like Rome. OK, how about r as in dad’s last name Ruiz?”
Mom (also now laughing): “No, not like Ruiz!”

OK, this went on for another 10 minutes interspersed with bouts of giggles and laughs as we marveled at our mutual inability to understand the first letter of Reme’s email. And, then, it dawned on me.

Me: “Mom, is it a small r instead of a capital R?”
Mom: “Yes, that’s it!!!”

My non-technology savvy mother did not understand that, in an email, whether the letter is capitalized or not is irrelevant. How could she? She has never used email, or a computer for that matter. Despite my knowledge, I had failed to properly assess my audience and this led to great confusion.

You probably had to be there to understand the hilarity of the situation. I know everyone I’ve told the story to found it funny. It is probably true that this more of a telling story, rather than a written story. This, in itself, educates us about the differences in choosing the medium to communicate. And, it tells tons about the problem with email and texting, neither of which carry emotion regardless of how many emoticons one uses. But, the point of the story is that, even when we are in situations where understanding our communication (i.e., what each one of us is saying) would appear to be automatic, it is almost never so. This is why I frequently say: “What I say is often not what you hear.” This is also why I often remark that knowledge without implementation is wasted.

Like I remarked to my mom, it’s a good thing we weren’t part of a United Nations’ negotiating team or our two countries would probably be at war by now.

Here’s hoping you pick your communication medium wisely, that you remember to understand your audience and adapt your communication to him/her/them and that your day is filled with laughter and dance.

As always in Love, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And The Power Of Your Day

How many of us get overwhelmed by what we perceive as our daily problems and issues? How many of us truly take the time to delight in the wonderment that is our lives? Why do we choose to spend so much of our time and energy focusing on problems? While I could go on about the chemical responses and addictions to the chemicals produced by your body in response to stress (I’m referencing chemicals produced by the body in response to external and internal stimuli, not to the response created by external chemicals such as sugar, alcohol or drugs – legal or illegal – among others). I will simply note that, in so doing, we forget the wonderful gift that is our life. The incredible gift that we are given when we get to live one more day.

This particular blog is a transcript of a short made by filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg. I hope it inspires you to feelings of gratitude which will then bring you your most ardent desires.

You think this is just another day in your life. It’s not just another day; it’s the one day that is given to you today. It’s given to you. It’s a gift. It’s the only gift you have right now, and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else but cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day of your life, and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well.

Begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes to open, that incredible array of colors that is constantly offered to us for pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely notice how it is different from moment to moment with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even of the weather we don’t think of the many nuances of the weather. We just think of good weather and bad weather. This day right now has unique weather, maybe a kind that will never, exactly in that form, come again. The formation of clouds in the sky will never be the same that it is right now. Open your eyes. Look at that.

Look at the faces of the people you meet. Each one has an incredible story behind their face, a story that you could never fully fathom. Not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors. We all go back so far. And on this present moment, on this day, all the people you meet, all that life from generations and from so many places all over the world, flows together and meets you here like a life-giving water, if you only open your heart and drink.

Open your heart to the incredible gifts that civilization gives to us. You flip a switch and there is electric light. You turn a faucet and there is warm water and cold water and drinkable water. It’s a gift that millions and millions in the world will never experience.

So these are just a few of an enormous number of gifts to which you can open your heart. And so I wish for you that you would open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you, that everyone whom you will meet on this day will be blessed by you; just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch, just by your presence. Let the gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you, and then it will really be a good day.

Easy? Probably not as it so much easier to give in to the chaos that seems to surround us, until we remember that even in the midst of chaos we can create peace. It is much easier to give in to the news aired on TV and/or perpetuated by the government, until we remember that it is their job to create fear, for fear sells and controls us … if we let it. It is much easier to give in to the people around us pushing and shoving, being rude and harried, until we remember that they too have given in to the illusion of chaos. It is much easier to give in to the feeling of worthlessness that is fed to us by those who don’t want to soar, until we remember that they simply fear falling. It is much easier to give in to the feeling of isolation and loneliness, until we remember that we are all connected, and that God, Source, God-Consciousness, The Force, whatever you want to call it/him/her, loves you unconditionally and you can never be separated from this love.

To truly appreciate our gift, you can view a clip of the original short here: Gratitude by Louie Schwartzberg.

In gratefulness for my gift and in love, and wishing that every day be a really good day for you, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And The Power Of Darkness

We often want to see the world in rose-colored glasses. Most, if not all, of us muse how wonderful it would be if we all knew peace and love. Yet, all of us, at one point in our lives, will experience the darkness of the end of a love partnership. As our bodies get flooded by survival chemicals (see, On Being One … And The Power Of Change), we experience mental, and sometimes physical, pain. We question our worthiness (see, On Being One … And The Power Of Self-Esteem), some to the point of suicide. Yet, there is an adage that is quite applicable: You can only get hurt by those who love you!

This world if one of contrast. It must be for how else would we know who we are? How would we experience peace unless we knew war? How would we know love unless we experienced hate? How would we experience abundance unless we knew scarcity? You get the drift.

Today, I’m sharing a beautiful story inspired by Source (or God, God Consciousness, The Force, Universe, Allah, or whatever other name or no name you want to give what is greater than us) and written through Neal Donald Walsh. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do and take the time to thank those who provide the darkness so that our light may shine brightly.

Once upon no time, there was a little Soul who said to God, “I know who I am.”

And God said, “That’s wonderful! Who are you?”

And the Little Soul shouted, “I’m the Light!”

God smiled a big smile. “That’s right!” God exclaimed. “You are the Light.”

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

“Wow,” said the Little Soul, “this is really cool!”

But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

“Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?”

And God said, “You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?”

“Well,” replied the Little Soul,” it’s one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it’s like to be the Light!”

“But you already are the Light,” God repeated, smiling again.

“Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!” cried the Little Soul.

“Well,” said God with a chuckle, “I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one.”

Then God’s expression changed. “There’s only one thing…”

“What?” asked the Little Soul.

“Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are, since there is nothing that you are not.”

“Huh?” said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

“Think of it this way,” said God. “You are like a candle in the Sun. Oh, you’re there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun. And the sun would not be the Sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles…and that would not be the Sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question.”

“Well,” the Little Soul perked up, “you’re God. Think of something!”

Once more God smiled. “I already have,” God said. “Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we’ll surround you with darkness.”

“What’s darkness?” the Little Soul asked.

God replied, “It is that which you are not.”

“Will I be afraid of the dark?” cried the Little Soul.

“Only if you choose to be,” God answered. “There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending.”

“Oh,” said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. “It is a great gift,” God said, “because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then.”

“And so,” God concluded, “when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don’t be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!”

“You mean it’s okay to let others see how special I am?” asked the Little Soul.

“Of course!” God chuckled. “It’s very okay! But remember,’special’ does not mean ‘better.’ Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special.”

“Wow,” said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. “I can be as special as I want to be!”

“Yes, and you can start right now,” said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

“What part of special do you want to be?”

“What part of special?” the Little Soul repeated. “I don’t understand.”

“Well,” God explained, “being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?”

The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. “I can think of lots of ways to be special!” the Little Soul then exclaimed. “It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!”

“Yes!” God agreed, “and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That’s what it means to be the Light.”

“I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!” the Little Soul announced with great excitement. “I want to be the part of special called ‘forgiving’. Isn’t it special to be forgiving?”

“Oh, yes,” God assured the Little Soul. “That is very special.”

“Okay,” said the Little Soul. “That’s what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that.”

“Good,” said God, “but there’s one thing you should know.”

The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication.

“What is it?” the Little Soul sighed.

“There is no one to forgive.”

“No one?” The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

“No one!” God repeated. “Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you.”

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

“Who, then, to forgive?” asked God.

“Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!” grumbled the Little Soul. “I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like.”

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

“Not to worry, Little Soul,” the Friendly Soul said, “I will help you.”

“You will?” the Little Soul brightened. “But what can you do?”

“Why, I can give you someone to forgive!”

“You can?”

“Certainly!” chirped the Friendly Soul. “I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive.”

“But why? Why would you do that?” the Little Soul asked. “You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought–to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?”

“Simple,” the Friendly Soul said. “I would do it because I love you.”

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

“Don’t be so amazed,” said the Friendly Soul, “you have done the same thing for me. Don’t you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don’t remember.”

“We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it.”

“Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so,” the Friendly Soul explained further, “I will come into your next lifetime and be the ‘bad one’ this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

“But what will you do?” the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, “that will be so terrible?”

“Oh,” replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, “we’ll think of something.”

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, “You are right about one thing, you know.”

“What is that?” the Little Soul wanted to know.

“I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return.”

“Oh, anything, anything!” cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, “I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!”

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

“What is it?” the Little Soul asked. “What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!”

“Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!” God interrupted. “Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels.”

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul’s request. “What can I do for you?” the Little Soul asked again.

“In the moment that I strike you and smite you,” the Friendly Soul replied, “in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment…”

“Yes?” the Little Soul interrupted, “yes…?””Remember Who I Really Am.”

“Oh, I will!” cried the Little Soul, “I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!”

“Good,” said the Friendly Soul, “because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are.”

“No, we won’t!” the Little Soul promised again. “I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.

” And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness–and especially if it brought sadness–the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

“Always remember,” God had smiled, “I have sent you nothing but angels.”

by Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God

As always in love, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And Of Finding The “One True Love”

It is often said that you cannot truly love someone until you love yourself. Still, most of us search for love in a partner. Yet, more and more of us seem to be alone (and most of us lonely). And, if I am to believe most of my friends who are in partnerships and what you read in the press, it even seems that we are alone when we are in a partnership. It seems more and more of us bounce from relationship to relationship in search of the seemingly ever-elusive one true love. (See, On Being One … And The Myth Of Loneliness; On Being One … And Of Green Grasses and Fences) The one love that we all deserve. The partner who will be committed to you, who will show up every time to be with you and only you, who will show by his/her words and his/her actions that s/he loves you. The one love who will make your toes tingle and your heart ache when s/he is not there.

Why? Why do we feel alone even when we are in a relationship? Why do bounce from relationship to relationship in search of our happiness? Could it be because we attract what we need to learn? Could it be because our partners always reflect how we feel about ourselves? Could it be that we never attract the wrong partner? That we attract only the partner that we need to teach us to love ourselves?

So, how do you attract your one true love? Simple, but not easy. In fact, for most of us, downright frightful. That’s because your worth and value as a woman or a man are not attached to anything or anyone that is not you (i.e., external to your beliefs about yourself). Love, security, safety, self-esteem, self-worth from anything or anyone outside of yourself is simply an illusion we create so that we don’t have to deal with our own internal issues (some call them demons). It is scary to think and believe that we cannot attract our one true love because we don’t love ourselves; because we don’t esteem ourselves; and we don’t trust ourselves. As a result, the vast majority of us settle for less than we deserve. Another way to say this is: We get what we deserve based on our level of self-love. The more we like ourselves, the closer we get to attracting our one true love.

Perhaps the problem is that society teaches us to equate being alone with being lonely and then piles on tons of negative images and emotions tied to being lonely (see, Of Being One …. And Of Being Lonely; On Being One … And The Myth Of Loneliness). So, when we are alone/lonely, instead of sitting in silence and finding a way to increase our self-love, to know our self-worth and value ourselves, we settle for a partner … any partner. And it is invariably not the one true love since that partner must reflect back to you your sense of self-love. But you give it your best shot. At the beginning, of course, we are wanting to be in love. So we perceive only either the best features of our new partner or, particularly if you are a woman, focus on the potential of your new partner. (Isn’t it funny how a man hopes the woman he partners with won’t physically change and she does, while a woman hopes that the man she partners with changes to live up to the potential she sees in him and he won’t?)

Of course, in due time, one of two things are most likely to happen. First, we come to the realization that we have settled, we uncouple the relationship (usually with many tears and heartaches, at least for the one being let go), and we repeat the cycle. Or … we come to understand that we must love ourselves first. We take the time to focus on loving ourselves. And then we take the time to focus this self-love unto our partner. We focus on our partner’s best features. We come to understand that our partner simply mirrors our own issues. We come to understand that what bothers us most in our partner is most likely what bothers us most about ourselves. We focus on love. Invariably, s/he will feel our focus and will respond to it. Sometimes, the person you thought was the wrong partner, turns out to be the right partner. Sometimes, you will agree that the partnership needs to be uncoupled, this time without tears and heartache. Or … we can continue to bounce from relationship to relationship, or settle for less than the love we deserve.

Of course, if you both agree to end the partnership, you will again be alone but, this time, not lonely. And it is likely that, if you maintain your focus on your self-worth, you will attract the one true love very quickly. And perhaps, if you allow it, you’ll discover that the one true love begins with your love for yourself and “ends” with a partner with whom you can be who you truly are without being judged, but rather being loved. Of course, this latter is a totally different subject which will be part of a later blog.

So let me end this with questions: Could it be that the One True Love we are all looking for is actually ourselves? Could it be we are here, on this planet, in this body and in this life, to learn to love ourselves? And what does that mean anyway?

I look forward to hearing back from you, and share with all readers, how you learned to love yourself.

The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

As always, with love – Jean-Pierre

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