On Being One … And The Power Of The End Of A Relationship

We’ve all been there, most of us multiple times … some too many times to care to remember. We fell in love and for a period of time, shorter or longer, we were the center of attention of this person. We basked in their apparent love and sometimes adoration. We wondered how lucky we had been to finally find “the one.” We walked on air with a perpetual smile on our face. And then … s/he zigged and you zagged. Small things began to trouble and bother you. S/he no longer smiled or told you s/he loved you as often, or at all. S/he went out with friends more often. S/he was more prone to criticize than to compliment. In other words … you drifted apart. The love that was had sailed into troubled waters replete with rocks sharp enough to impale your heart. And then the day came when s/he told you that the relationship was “over.” When s/he told you that  you weren’t “enough”; you weren’t “the one”; s/he would be “happier without you.” When the words spoken cut into you like a millions shards of glass splintered by the beats of your heart.

At that time, it is wise to remember that we live in a world of polarity: South and North; Up and Down; Left and Right; Darkness and Light; and that for every action there is an inverse and direct opposite reaction. So, why is the end of relationship necessarily a “bad” thing? Could we not see it as the beginning of a new one, however long it takes to find it?

From a spiritual perspective, because this is a world of polarity, every relationship that has soured and ended has set forth a request for the exact opposite. So, while thinking of your ex, you may want to think about the following view, mantra, prayer (whatever you wish to call it), to help you find a more vibrant, loving and healthy relationship:

We came together to travel the same path and write the same story. But we came to a fork and our story ended. Perhaps there was some pretending going on in our relationship. At a minimum, there was some, if not a lot, of mis-communication going on. But the good news is that out of that came my keen awareness that I needed to know myself better. That I needed to take the time to love myself and rediscover the wonderful person that I am. I’m so excited about getting to know myself. To get in touch with my soul. And in time, travel this new road with a partner who knows that s/he is responsible for his/her own happiness. Someone who is in love with life. Someone who knows life is a road for us to learn that we are loved because we are; that we are here to be and live in love. 

Thank you for our excursion and for the benefit it has given me. Thank you for mirroring my fears and providing me with the opportunity to raise my vibration. I now realize that we attracted each other into our lives to give us the opportunity to grow. I send you love and light to illuminate your chosen path while I travel my own.

Of course, good as this point of view is, the large part of the work remains to learn who you are and to love the person you are just as you are. And to remember that you are loved simply because you are.

As always, I welcome all feedback and comments, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And Of The Power Of Quotes

For the longest time I have been a student of history. Perhaps it is because I buy into the general belief that: “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” This quote is attributed to Jorge Agustin Nicolas Ruiz de Santayana y Borras, better known as George Santayana, in The Life of Reason, 1905, though it is most often attributed to Sir Winston Churchill who actually never uttered those words.

While I do believe that, from a spiritual perspective, we are bound to repeat experiences until we “remember” the lesson(s) we were born to do, today I choose to focus and modify somewhat a quote from our former President, Theodore Roosevelt, who said:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

I wrote previously about the two emotions that we have been endowed with as souls: love and fear (See, On Being One … And Of The Power Of Fear). Perhaps, like me, you read Mr. Roosevelt’s quote speaks to the fact that, while we create our reality through our thoughts (i.e., the energy goes to wherever and whatever we focus on), transmitted through our words, we must also take action if we are to manifest our desire. And perhaps like me, you have noticed that most of us tend to make our decision based on fear. That is, we have been brought up and educated both by our educational system and by the media to assume the worst. Why? Because if I can make you fear for your well-being unless you do what I tell you, then you will obediently follow my commands. Yet, when we open our hearts; when we understand that, from a spiritual perspective, there is nothing to fear for we are eternal beings; when we base our decisions on love, we get closer to Spirit, God, Source, Infinite, whatever you wish to call it. In doing so, we remember that we are Soul and live a life of joy regardless of our circumstances. Easy to do? Not even remotely for we are still human beings with built-in chemical responses to our outside environment. That is why, paraphrasing Mr. Roosevelt:

The credit belongs to the one who is actually in the arena, whose face is illuminated by love; who strives valiantly with an open heart; who re-experiences opportunities to remember that s/he is Soul, because there is no growth without experiences; but who does actually strive to do the deeds with an open heart; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause to be of service to his fellow human beings, animals and the planet; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of living in and for love, and who at the worst, if s/he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his/her place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who lived in fear.

As always, I welcome all feedback and comments. Wishing all days filled with laughs and giggles, Jean-Pierre

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On Being One … And Of The Power Of Ease

Most of us have been led to believe that, when we find “true love”, we will feel:

  • Butterflies
  • A knot in our stomach
  • Sweaty palms
  • Heart palpitations
  • Head over heels

In French, we say “coup de foudre” which literally translates into “lightning bolt”. These are quite powerful words. Without getting into a discussion of the use of the verb “falling” (don’t we always hurt ourselves when we fall?), wouldn’t you agree that these are expressions of chaos? But shouldn’t “love” be easy? Shouldn’t a relationship be easy? Here is my description of an “ideal” relationship:

The relationship that I seek is one of ease. It is easy to feel good. It is easy to feel at peace with myself and with my partner. It is easy to feel as one with myself and with my partner. It is easy to like what I see. It is easy to be of service. It is easy to move through my day. It is easy to be who I am. It is easy to do the work that I want to do. It is easy to be two separate people with two separate intentions through our days. It is easy to be in the relationship. It is easy. It feels comfortable and secure. It feels honest and deep. It feels real and true. It feels like Source and core. It feels soft and gentle. It feels love and being loved. It feels knowing and known. It feels like home. It feels safe and cozy. It feels fun and delicious. It feels passionate. It feels … easy!
(with thanks to Abraham-Hicks)

It is a “prayer”, “mantra”, whatever you wish to call it, that I repeat to myself daily. Feel free to use it if it resonates with you. Feel free to change it, expand it, narrow it, etc., to suit your needs for your “ideal” relationship. Life is meant to be easy and we struggle mightily to make it hard as we focus on what is “wrong” instead of what is “right.” Relationships allow us to discover ourselves: who we are and who we want to be. I know that when I find my partner I will feel at ease. And she will feel the same. I wish you the same.

With love, Jean-Pierre

One ship drives east, and another west
With the self-same winds that blow
‘tis the set of the sails
and not the gales
that decides the way we go
like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate
as they voyage along through life
‘tis the will of the soul
that decides its goal
and not the calm or the strife

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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On Being One … And The Power Of Spock

RIP Leonard Nimoy (aka Mr. Spock).

Growing up I watched Star Trek religiously. I grew up in an age where space exploration held our eyeballs glued to the TV set and inspired our imagination. Like many boys of that era, I grew up wanting to be an astronaut. That “want” turned out to be a dream. Interestingly, Star Trek aired for only 3 seasons and was cancelled due to a lack of audience. However, it was epic in dealing with the issues of the day, which continue to a greater or lesser extent today. While Mr. Nimoy died last week, Spock is sure to live on for a lot longer. Mr. Nimoy’s death made me stop and think back to the show and the lessons it taught me viewed from a very different perspective brought about by some 50 years spent at the school of life.

Though my friends found Captain Kirk the star of the show (how many know his middle name is Tiberius?) and wanted to be him, I was fascinated by Spock. Today, I think Spock can teach us a lot about the way our emotions create our reality and how to deal with them.

Star Trek presented us with a future where humanity had come to peace (i.e., no more wars), diseases and poverty had been eradicated. It also presented us with cool gadgets, most of which we now take for granted (e.g., remember the old communicator? Don’t they look eerily similar to the first flip cell phones?), etc. In other words, Utopia, a version of what we, as humans, could be and some dare dream to be. Still, in each episode we witnessed the star explorers struggle with strife, war on other planets and within themselves, bigotry, etc. In other words: human emotions. None struggled more mightily than Spock, the ½ human ½ Vulcan second-in-command and conscience to Captain Kirk.

In my mind, Spock mirrored each and every one of us as we struggle, some consciously most unconsciously, with our emotions while we go about our daily lives. Perhaps I identified most with Spock because, like him, though very active in sports, I was bookish (some said nerdy, others geeky) and an introvert (i.e., shy). Also, since my family moved around a lot, either to different part of the same city, other cities and even other countries, I continually felt like an outsider. I never quite fit in. When in France, I was ½ French and ½ Spaniard. When in Canada, I was ½ a Francophone and ½ an Anglophone. And on and on. Many things (i.e., beliefs) seemingly kept me separated from being part of the tribe, from being fully accepted. Like many adolescents, I struggled with emotions of anger, resentment, rejection, solitude, etc. And so I admired Spock because despite the many struggles he faced, not the least of which was dealing with a very human (i.e., emotionally-captive) Capt. Kirk, an always upset and irate (i.e., emotionally-captive) Doctor McCoy and eternally perplexed and flummoxed (i.e., emotionally-captive) Chief Engineer Scotty, in the end Spock remained calm and in control. Even when faced with the Pon Farr, synonymous with adolescents’ dealing with raging hormones, he could get control of his emotions.

Reflecting on the show itself, I still wonder at the Utopic world created in the 23rd Century. And, while technologically we seem to have met and in some cases overtaken the ones presented in the show, it seems we are still light-years away from the world created. Why is it so hard to conceive of a world where resources are equally shared? But I digress as I am fond of doing.

In the end, I am glad I am not, and will never be a full Vulcan. I prefer to be like Mr. Spock: one struggling with his emotions. We can understand that our emotions dictate the way we look at life. Newly evolving brain science shows that emotions dominate our decision-making process; that we make irrational decisions based on fearful emotions even when we think these decisions are perfectly rational. By acknowledging our emotions and how they rule us, we can control them (for example, we can choose peace over anger), and begin to live a life of peace and let that peace radiate outward like the ripple of a boulder thrown into a pond. Mr. Spock himself acknowledged that there is value in listening to our emotions. Like Mr. Spock, perhaps we can acknowledge that there is no value in letting fearful emotions control us, and let the emotion of love dominate our decision-making. (The emotion of fear is an upcoming post)

And to one and all: Live long and prosper and may your emotions show the brighter side of life Jean-Pierre

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